The Quest for a Mile

So, today, I got home from a very long day, wary of the even longer day that I know I'm going to have to have tomorrow, and I was feeling sorry for myself in general. (Tomorrow is going to be one grueling meeting after another, most of which seem to revolve around either my incompetence as a teacher since I can't seem to satisfy this insurmountable workload, or committees which will be discussing eliminating my job altogether. I have a bad feeling that I will be lucky to get through the day tomorrow without crying ... and I can't tell you how much I dread that.) So I got dressed in my workout clothes with all the speediness of a snail, and lowered my treadmill to the ground, and stared at it.

Nope. How can you run with a dead battery? No. I wussed out.

So I took Lola for a walk, with my tail between my legs. I had some thinking to do.

With the autumn breeze blowing, and walking out in the fields with my wiggly little black lab puppy, I had this following thought:

How can I be Jogging Auburn if I don't jog?

Does that just make me Auburn?

Is being Just Auburn working for me? .... no.

So, then, I'm a hypocrite. Not living up to my name. The name I gave myself for this moment, to remind myself that that is who I want to be, even if it is not who I am.

How can I continue to blog about the Quest for a Mile if I'm scared to jog? If I'm too drained to jog?

So I got home, and decided that I needed to jog again. But I also knew in my heart of hearts that I am starting off with a battery that is much more drained than back in the summer, which I enjoyed the delicacy of regular sleeping habits and lack of stress.

And I also remembered that I promised myself back in the day that I would not make myself jog at a pace that seemed unattainable, that was not fun, that was too hard. And I simply knew that I could not jog for one minute increments.

And then I briefly felt disgusted.

And then I picked myself back up again and thought, "Well, what CAN you do? Can you jog for 30 second increments?"

And I decided that surely I could jog for thirty seconds at a time.

And I thought that I need to pursue that Quest again. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO RUN A MILE! So, I am going to jog every day, at what I can do that day, until I can jog for 2 minute increments. Then I will begin to add in cross-training.

So, I jogged tonight. Jogged for 30 seconds, walked for 2 minutes. I only was able to go a little over thirty minutes before I got dizzy enough that I almost fell off the treadmill, and I remembered that I wouldn't push myself beyond what was safe/attainable, so I gave it a rest.

It is a Start. It is a Renewal. It is a Beginning. It is the Quest.

And I can do this. One step at a time.

With y'all's help, of course. :)

Posted in: discouragement, dog walking, jogging on Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at at 8:52 PM 7 comments  

After I posted yesterday, and I was consumed with longing for my children and my future, I strangly felt better. It was as if I remembered the person that I want to be, instead of floundering around in a daze. So, I jumped on that treadmill, and I was back to jogging. Ohhh, yeeahh! It felt so good! I am embarrassed to admit the tiny incriment that I was running (*coughcoughranfor50secondswalkedfor2minutescoughcough*), but you know what? It was HARD. And today, I am SORE. And yesterday, it was ALL I COULD DO ... so at the same time, I feel ashamed that I couldn't do more, but I am proud that I got it done, and I did it well.

Now, for a potporri of thoughts, to let you in on a few more things...

~ The last couple of days have really, truly, been terrible. My dad was let go from his job due to financial issues, and my parents are really scared about the future. The sad thing is, this is the second time this year; he was let go from another company due to finances back at the beginning of February.

~ On a slightly lighter note but still adding to the mess, I've been emailing back and forth with my uncle whom I barely know, wanting to get to know him better, and he was really rude and hurt my feelings. So much for admiring him my entire life.

~ I can't get Esther the pony. The man who bought her at the stockyard said she is not for sale, and he finally took her to his home, so I can't even visit her. I miss her, but I hope that she's happy.

~ There was a comment left on my blog a couple of days ago that really bothered me, chastising me on my use of the word "diet." For the last few days I've been mulling this over, and I would like to say in response that I agree with what was said, and I wish that I did think that way, but I am not there yet. It is all the harder when I am surrounded by people who rather openly treat dieting as a punishment. I can't help but feel shame that I must be so careful with what I eat. And, you know, if you're stomach is growling all the time, it IS a punishment, and that is hard. Also, when you are struggling to keep self-mutilation and/or suicidal thoughts at bay, just fighting against that dark depression (which, for those of you who don't know, I have been diagnosed with depression, and that's partly why I started trying to run, to learn to cope with it and control it), slipping up a couple of times with one or two negative thoughts is a step up. I'm trying my hardest, and this blog is my safe place. Thank you for your concern, and thank you for your support, but meet me where I am and help me get to where I need to be. Fair enough? :)

Okay, I feel better now that THAT is all out in the open.

Lola and I went for a wicked long walk this afternoon. It was simply gorgeous -- 80 degrees, warm breeze, sunny skies. We took the "yellow route," and once that was over, we walked a couple of miles down the road to go admire my uncle-in-law's horses and walked back. Lola was so tired she was dragging along a little behind me, pink tongue lolling out of her mouth. She'll sleep good tonight!!

All right, I'm gonna duck out for tonight. Thank you, guys, for all of your wonderful comments and support. :)

Posted in: dieting, dog walking, jogging, rough jogs on Thursday, October 8, 2009 at at 5:48 PM 8 comments  

Posted in: diets, dog walking, jogging, trails on Monday, September 28, 2009 at at 8:05 PM 3 comments  

Last night, I tossed and turned for hours, and I just couldn't fall asleep.

I just kept thinking of that look he gave me, and the way it made me feel.

We always eat lunch with my in-laws after church on Sunday afternoons. Normally this means eating out (and I have made heroic attempts to avoid this in the past, even bringing my own food, but my father-in-law, especially, is offended, and I have caved and just eat what everyone else eats, which only adds to the guilt spiral). Yesterday, however, we had "breakfast for lunch," which included bacon, sausage, scrambled eggs, and cinnamon rolls. It was gooooood, but it was NOT healthy.

Everyone gathered up their plates of greasy goodness and ate in front of the TV, cheering on the local football team. I ate everything on my plate (which really wasn't that bad: 2 pieces of bacon, 1 piece of sausage, a couple of scoops of eggs, and 2 rolls), but I was still hungry. I sat there for about 15 minutes, hoping that the hunger would pass, but it didn't. So I went to go put my plate away, but there they were: an untouched pan of more cinnamon rolls. I stared at them. Well, we couldn't let them go to waste ... or get cold ... or whatever I told myself ... and I grabbed three and went back to my chair to eat them about as fast as I could.

When I sat down by my husband, he looked at my cinnamon rolls, and he looked me me so incredulously, and made a big show of it, looking at the plate, to me, then back to the plate. He proceeded to roll his eyes and shake his head. You could practically hear his thoughts, "You grabbed THAT much? You're gonna eat THAT much??" I never looked him in they eye ... I couldn't. I witnessed all of that out of the corner of my eye. And suddenly I had never needed that sweet, sticky food more in my entire life ... to keep myself from crying ... to keep the horrible thoughts at bay ... yes, I scarfed them down and almost got more. Meanwhile, my husband finished off all of the rest of the bacon and the sausage (which was far more than just a couple of pieces, let me assure you). The anger burned within me of his judgemental nature, when he has never been overweight -- or close to it -- for a day in his life. And I looked at the rest of the family in the room, who all ate as much as me if not more and they never exercise and they are all beanpoles. Phil's mother has even had doctors try to get weight ON her.

I felt sick at myself. Of myself.

And I know that I haven't been working hard enough to lose the weight.

So I laid there last night, remembering that moment when he looked at my plate, and I kept wallowing between despair and self-pity. Is social awkwardness worth this internal battle? What would be SO FRICKING BAD if I made my own dern lunch at times like this?

I remember Phil's grandmother, who told me about a year ago, "Well, you know, you're always gonna be big boned."

Grrr. No, I'm not! I will not be typecasted. I will fight this. I want my skinny self. I want my skinny clothes. I want my LIFE back.

I miss running with my increases of 5 seconds every time. I do. I miss it. It was easy to chart success. So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna start that again. From scratch. Yes, there is shame in starting from scratch, since I started this back in July and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. But it's a new dawn ... it's a new day ... and I'm getting nowhere NOT trying to do something about it.

I'm sorry if I've failed y'all ... I feel like starting over is failing myself ... but I've gotta try *something,* you know?

I did like the idea of cross-training, so I think I'm going to alternate every other day jogging and then something else (yoga, pilates, tennis, aerobic video, DDR, what-have-you). That'll keep it fresh, and improve my stamina in multiple ways instead of just one way.

I am also going to write down my food diary, not allowing myself to go to bed until I have at least written down everything I have eaten that day, and only allow Friday night to be my splurge meal. Friday night is date night. I look forward all week to Friday night. This means Sunday afternoon and Phil's family are just gonna have to get over it.

Somehow I knew that I would go through periods of success and failure once school started. The days are sporadic and my emotions are off the chart and exhaustion has begun to creep into my very bones. But this is important to me, and I know that I must make it routine in order for it to work for me. And, I figure as long as I still care, then I am not lost. As my mother once told me, "It's once you stop caring that you get in trouble."

So, I have a jogging date. This afternoon at 4:00. This is Jogging Time. Today is a new day. Yesterday's "sin"amon rolls are in the past, as well as the hurtful look. If I keep at it, this Auburn will be in the past one day, too.

I'm doing it for myself, because I think Future Auburn is worth it.

Posted in: cinnamon rolls, cross-training, hurtful looks, jogging, recommitment on at at 11:11 AM 4 comments  

Back to jogging once again! I feel like crap, but I got it done. So much mucus! I'm just sick of being sick ... rebelling!! It was tiring, but it felt good to be moving again.

And the diet was on-track today, and that felt good, too. I bought a journal today to write down what I'm eating and to tally it all up. I have learned something about myself in the past couple of years: if I don't make it pretty, then I don't do it. (Perhaps it's the artist in me screaming to express itself!) You guys should see my lesson plan book; it's a freakin' work of art! :D The other teachers make fun of me, but I just know that if I didn't have a whole bunch of markers and pretty gel pens in order to jazz up the mundane, I find that I won't do it at all. So I had to get a new journal at the store today to excite myself about keeping up my food journal again. It has a kitty on the cover with its head tilted to the side, and I wrote a speech bubble beside its head that says, "Wow! You've lost HOW much?!?" (Yeah. I'm a nerd.) I've already made the first entry pretty; makes me proud ... especially the big blue letters at the bottom of the page that say "GOAL COMPLETED"!

For my stats, I jogged for 1 minute, walked for 2. I burned 343 calores, went 2.064 calories, and it took me 47:00. I also ate 27.5 fat grams today, and 1606 calories. Not bad, my friends!

The future scares me, but I'm trying not to let it *scare* me. Having a little control over the situation feels good. I can control my destiny.

That feels good to say. :)

Posted in: beautification, dieting, food journal, jogging on Monday, September 7, 2009 at at 9:14 PM 2 comments  

Okay, really quick post, guys. I jogged for 2:25, walked for 4 minutes. I went 2.075 miles, burned 265 calories, and it took me 47:00.

This was SUCH a HARD JOG!! I actually found myself thinking, "Oh, this is too hard, I'm not gonna make it, I'm gonna have to stop." But then I would think, "No, you did this much last night ... you just did this round a few minutes ago ... you only lack another minute ... you can do this." And geez, I did, but not without a stitch in my side. Scary! I don't like my butt getting whooped so early in the game. Or maybe this is my first "wall"?

*sigh* So much I don't know about jogging ...

Well, I've gotta get a shower and get ready for bed. School tomorrow!! Besos!! :)

Posted in: jogging, stitch in the side on Sunday, August 9, 2009 at at 9:53 PM 3 comments  

Whew, guys! I can't tell you how good it feels to have gotten that last blog out of my system. I know that I've told y'all before that I am trying to write positive, but at the same time I kind of felt like I was lying to y'all, too. Like I was doing what I'm always trying to do, just putting on a happy face and bearing it all by myself, even though I'm really struggling inside. Fact is, now I feel like you know the worst of it, and I feel like I don't have to keep pretending. Now when I write positively, I know you know where I'm coming from. That is so relieving to me!

And thank you all for your dear comments! Maggie, I truly understand what you mean about your french teacher. She sounds a lot like the teacher that I covered, just a fantastic teacher and a wonderful trooper. We need more teachers like that!

I have some students in my gifted class who gave me the nickname "Mama Sunshine" because (out of their own mouths) when they begin their day with me their day always starts out happy. I love this nickname, but I also feel like I've gotta live up to it, too. I wanna be Mama Sunshine all the time! :)

I heard a line in a song by Jason Mraz that really struck me today. It said, "If it's a broken part, replace it/If it's a broken arm, then brace it/But if it's a broken heart, then face it." I feel like that is what I'm trying to do. Gotta heal from the inside-out. Gotta deal with all facets of how I got into this state that I'm in now, and figure out how to get myself out. And jogging is part of my therapy plan!

So tonight, I jogged again! I jogged for 2:20, and walked for 4 minutes. I went 2.063 miles, burned 262 calories, and it took me 47 minutes. And -- haha! -- it just now occurs to me that I didn't do my pushups and situps. Oh, well. Lola and I took a really long walk this afternoon ... maybe that'll make up for it...?

Well, my friends, it's getting late, and I still need to get a shower. I love y'all's comments ... you guys are so uplifting to me! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! :)

Posted in: Jason Mraz, jogging, Mama Sunshine on Saturday, August 8, 2009 at at 10:53 PM 1 comments  

Well, this was it ... the last day of summer vacation. I can't believe how much I have come psychologically. At the beginning of the summer, I was crying every day because I dreaded the idea of the school year coming like a slow-moving freight train. Today, I didn't even come CLOSE to crying. It's just a fact of life. In fact, I'm looking forward to seeing my kids again, so I'm looking forward for the year to start.

Oh, before I get too deep into talking about the school year, I'ma gonna share my stats. I jogged for 2:15 and walked for 3 minutes. I went 2.066 miles, burned 263 calories, and it took me 47:00. Also, I feel compelled to tell you that I did 100 sit-ups (2 sets of 33, 1 set of 34) and 3 sets of 10 girl-push-ups. Not too shabby, huh?

Okay, so ... the school year. I feel like a total pansy saying that the school year kind of scares me. I actually love school. I graduated as Valedictorian from my high school and Magna cum Laude from college. I love teaching and I absolutely adore my kids.

It's just *this* job. The paperwork ... oh, GOSH ... the PAPERWORK!

I teach high school gifted students (the cream of the crop kiddos). The good part: the kids are brilliant, clever, funny, and keep me on my toes. The bad part: they are considered special ed.

So I have to do all ... and I mean ALL ... of the special ed paperwork. On each and every one of them.

Let me explain this monstrous amount of paperwork to you. The average special education teacher has between 20-30 students so that they can physically finish all of the paperwork. I, on the other hand, have 77 students, which is actually improved from my caseload of 98 from last year. To put it in another light, I only teach 5 hours a week, but the rest of the school day is spent on paperwork, and I physically cannot do it all. The perfectionist in me is being driven insane by this.

And as for now, I must stop talking about this, because already my blood pressure is rising, and I'm trying to get calmed down so I can go to bed ... and be able to get up in time to be at school at 8:00.

So, happy news? I have a couple of good weight loss cheers. This might be TMI, but I noticed something about my thighs today. My thighs normally touch the arms of the computer chair when I sit down at the computer (yes, BOTH arms), but today I noticed that my thighs do not touch the armrests anymore. Yay for slimming down!

Today I also bought a pair of shorts that I'm supposed to wear when I'm exercising that will allow me to sweat an extra amount and get rid of waterweight in my hips and thighs. I wore them tonight when I went jogging. I will say that if sweating is what those shorts were supposed to do, then By Gum they sure did a good job of it! It was actually quite gross, teehee. So maybe that's a good thing...?

Okay, be thinking about me tomorrow, friends. I've gotta face my old demons and continue trying to squelch my old thinking, and I fear it's gonna be a hard day. But at least I've got the ole treadmill waiting for me to get out some of the anxiety and tension. Until then! :)

Posted in: jogging, school year, slimming down on Thursday, August 6, 2009 at at 10:25 PM 3 comments  

Well, I decided I would get up and report in first thing this morning before I ran out of things to say! I *did* do my jogging yesterday; unfortunately, my husband came home from work last night and had a headache that quickly escalated into a migraine ... the worst kind of migraine. He was soooo sick, poor guy. So last night was dedicated to taking care of him. I did my jogging around 9:30 last night, but I couldn't write in my blog because the computer is in the bedroom, and I knew the light from the screen -- heck, even the sound of typing on the keyboard -- would've killed him, so I just wrote down my stats. Fortunately, he was able to take some medicine in a decent enough time before his stomach turned on him, and it must have been able to do some good because around 11 last night he said he felt fine. This morning he says he still feels fine, but he is contemplating not going to work for fear of overdoing it. He doesn't get migraines often, but when he does, they are doozies!!

Anyway, for my stats, I jogged for 2:10 and walked for 4 minutes. I ultimately went 2.065 miles, burned 262 calories, and it took me 47 minutes.

You know, there have been some people in my life that I have told that I have started jogging. The response is always the same: "Wow, I could never jog! Way to go!" (Or something like that.) Fact is, I'm not a jogger myself! But everybody's got a starting place, and everybody's gotta build on their starting place.

I guess my biggest inspiration is a guy I saw on Oprah a few years ago (and I'm not the biggest Oprah fan, but this episode really sticks out in my mind). The actual premise of the show was that they had someone one there who was a "germ expert," but as the show went on, I think they actually found a germaphobic coot and gave him camera time. (For example, I distinctly remember him saying that you should throw away toothbrushes after every two weeks, and you should throw away mattress sets every year. I mean, was he for real?!? "Whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" is my motto.) Anyway, they very quickly had a man as a guest on the show who used to weigh something like 400 pounds, and he got a treadmill. Everyday he would walk a little bit on it, and he always made himself walk a little more than he did the day before. Then he tried jogging a little bit on it, still pushing himself. Finally he built up the endurance to jog FIVE MILES every day! And he looked so slim and trim!! He had a pair of shoes that he bought the day he bought the treadmill, and they were analyzing the shoes to test for diseases. (The germaphobe almost had a heart attack from the old pair of shoes.) Anyway, I've always remembered that man, and I kind of feel like if he was able to do so well from being so deep in the hole, maybe I can do it, too.

Heck, secret confessions of the Auburn: once I hit a mile, I would love to learn to jog two, then three, then up to five, and I would ultimately love to jog on a speed setting of 6. Don't know how I'm gonna get there, but I had to start somewhere!

And I got the idea of upping my time on the treadmill from a commercial I heard on the radio a few months ago. It was a commercial for a gym that was advertising that they could train people to run marathons. They said that they up your time thirty seconds every day, and "you don't even feel yourself getting stronger. Anyone can do thirty seconds!" Well, I remember laughing out loud in my car, because I wasn't for sure that I could jog even one SET of thirty seconds. Even now, the idea of upping my time by thirty seconds every day would absolutely KILL me. But I can do five seconds. It works for me. :) Slow and steady, right?

Well, I guess I need to climb off of this soapbox. Gotta have something to talk about tonight, right? Until then, guys! Thanks for your encouragement!!

Posted in: jogging, migraines, Oprah on at at 9:04 AM 4 comments  

Well, it's been a day since I posted. I didn't get to jog yesterday; I went and visited my dad at his new job, and I helped out a family friend who just had a new baby but also has a rambunctious two-year-old. It was so fun playing with the little boy and cuddling the little baby. I totally got baby envy, haha! I want children so badly ... but we don't want to have children where we live right now. We are much too crammed in this glorified cardboard box, and WE don't even want to be here. We've bought a log home package that we want to build on our beautiful farm ... but so far, it's just dreams. Homes and dreams and babies ... *sigh* But it'll get here. And in the meantime there are short-term goals, like jogging!

As for tonight, I jogged for 2:05 and walked for 4 (I went ahead and bumped up my time, and it was a LOT easier to jog, lemme tell you!!). I went 2.207 miles, burned 278 calories, and it took me 51:00.

As long as I am on the topic of babies (since I've totally got them on the brain), I'll go ahead and share with you the names that we have picked out. We've got two boy names and one girl name (we want boys, so boy names are easier, haha!). Our first boy name is Phillip Taran, and he'll go by Taran. (Incidentally, I wanted him to be Taran Phillip, but my husband said that he didn't want our son's initials to be "TP," like toilet paper.) Our other boy name is Hunter Grover. (Grover was my husband's grandfather's name whom he adored so much [who unfortunately passed away a couple of months after we got married] ... but even the grandfather didn't like his own name, so we just wanted a name that didn't sound too bad with it. We thought Hunter was a good compliment.) And our girl name that we have picked out is Valancy Elizabeth.

One day I'll have my little ones, and I can't wait to be a mom. But I know when I am a mom, I will fondly remember the days when it was just my husband and me, so I'm just trying to do my best to enjoy these days while they are here.

Well, really fast, I'd also like to share that I made a low-fat parfait for my husband and me to eat for supper tonight, and it was so friggin' good!! Even HE liked it, and he tends to be diet-phobic. Sometimes, when it tastes so good to be good, who wants to even be bad?!?

Well, it felt good to get back on that treadmill. Thanks for all your support, guys! It's truly what keeps me going!

Posted in: babies, baby names, jogging, parfaits on Tuesday, August 4, 2009 at at 9:51 PM 6 comments  

YAY! TWO MINUTES! I have officially doubled my time from when I first started jogging! Woo-hoo!!!

*would like to demonstrate a happy dance, but cannot, so will let Kirby do it for her:*

"(>^^)>" "<(^^)>" "<(^^<)" "<(^^)>" "(>^^)>"

Well, for my official stats, I jogged for 2 minutes, walked for 3:30. I went 2.005 miles, burned 256 calories, and it took me 45:30.

This was a hard jog. It was hard to breathe tonight for some reason! Darn asthma!! I tried to overcome it by adding on 30 seconds, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to add on a full minute instead. But, as I keep telling myself, you gotta do what you gotta do, and it's not a race, right? :)

Also, after I was over, I did three sets of 30 crunches and three sets of 5 push-ups. I friggin HATE push-ups. I even start shaking when I get into the position. All I can do is what is known as "girl" push-ups, but I would love to be able to do full push-ups one day. My husband can do the whole one-handed push-ups and the push-up-and-clap-inbetween trick. Showoff. :P So I had him look at my form while I struggled through one of my sets so that I would know the few I was doing were right. He said they were good, which was kind of relieving to me. Maybe a new goal to do a few push-ups after I run, and get rid of the bat wings? :) We shall see!

Posted in: asthma, bat wings, jogging, push-ups, treadmill on Sunday, August 2, 2009 at at 10:38 PM 5 comments  

*hugs everyone back, even if she is a little sweaty since she just finished her jog* :)

Thank you guys for your sweet comments. I am so appreciative of your kind words! You know, when I started this blog, I was telling my mom about it. I told her that I wanted it to be a place to inspire others, but mostly to inspire me. Yes, me. *I* needed inspiration. When I sat down and read my own blog, I didn't want to wallow in the feelings that I try to hide in my head all day, I wanted to pump myself up and get excited about getting in shape, so that one day I can look back and truly be proud of what I have accomplished. I have kind of been a mess this summer, and this blog has been a bright spot. It is a goal that I can see, and it excites me. After I told Mom about how I sit down and try to write "positive," she said in agreement, "Sometimes you have to say things that you might not exactly feel to teach yourself to feel that way." That really struck me, because even though it is true that this is how I want to use this blog -- to rewrite my thinking -- it also hit me because this is how I have treated myself in the past, but negatively. I made myself feel things about myself that were not true. I need to teach myself that these thoughts AREN'T true. Odd, isn't it?

Anyway, these were the things I was thinking while I was back on the treadmill again (I couldn't help but also hear in my head Willie Nelson singing "On the Road Again," teehee!). I jogged for 1:55 and walked for 3 minutes. I burned 245 calories, went 1.900 miles, and it took me 42 minutes.

After I jogged, I sat down by my husband while he was at the computer. We talked about the infamous 6 pounds. Neither of us really believe it, but we said that even if it IS true, slacking up on the jogging won't make them go away. Plus, today my husband and I spent the day working on our farm (we raise commercial cattle), and he made a comment about something he noticed about me on the farm today. We had to walk around one of our fencelines because a calf had gotten out, and we had to find the hole in the fence. After walking around and fixing the fence, we walked straight up a steep hill (and it was not a tiny hill, let me assure you!) in order to get back to our truck in the fastest way possible. A month ago, I would not have been able to walk up that hill without seriously dragging, maybe even taking a break, and definitely wheezing. Today, I kept pace with him, and it wasn't until the very height of the hill that I started breathing heavy. He pointed that out to me tonight and told me how proud he was of me.

And you know what? I'm pretty proud of that, too. :)

Note to self: Don't let a teeny number stop you from your goals. The quest for the mile is in sight! :)

Posted in: farm, jogging, pride, self-motivation, treadmill on Saturday, August 1, 2009 at at 10:28 PM 3 comments  

Woo-hoo! 1:50! Two minutes is not far away! It sounded so crazy last week to jog two minutes. Now I know I can do it! Amazing how adaptable the human body is once it is kicked in the butt, isn't it? :)

Well, I jogged for 1:50, walked for 3 minutes. I went 2.005 miles, burned 256 calories, and it took me 45:00.

If you're wondering why I didn't post yesterday, it's because I didn't jog yesterday. Yeah, I felt bad about that, too -- but I've got a good reason! The reason I didn't is because I got a mild migraine in the midafternoon and it didn't go away for the rest of the night. (I get headaches and migraines when major weather systems are about to head through my area, and we are under a tornado watch as we speak. I think I'd trade an achy knee or something rather than a headache, you know?!?) I almost tried to jog anyway, just so that my streak wasn't broken. My husband said, however, that perhaps I shouldn't do it because if I strained myself in that state, I was only asking to see my supper again. He was right. Vomiting would not make me a healthier person. :)

So, the streak is broken, but I'm back on track now, and, you know, there's gonna be some days that I'm not gonna be able to jog, but I can't fall off the wagon and get into the habit of not jogging, even when those days come by.

Plus, my husband and I spent the whole afternoon doing some hardcore cleaning. I'm talking like moving the fridge and the stove and mopping under them. It felt good, and since we worked so hard and steady for so many hours, I bet I made up those calories I missed jogging the day before, anyway.

Well, tomorrow I am gonna weigh in. I'm not expecting much; food-wise, sometimes I've been good and sometimes I've been bad since I've been jogging. (I know I need to be good ALL the time, but ... well, one goal at a time, right??) Plus, I knew when I took this up that it was gonna be a long time before I could jog long enough to truly see some change and major calories burned. But, even a pound would be nice ... ? We shall see! I'll let you know, even if it's not good. I know you guys have got my back even when things aren't well.

Well, good night, all! Stay strong!! :)

Posted in: cleaning, food habits, jogging, migraines, treadmill on Thursday, July 30, 2009 at at 8:36 PM 2 comments  

Well, I've had a couple of new readers join since the last time I posted, so let me say a big Welcome to my newbies! I love y'all's comments; it's truly what keeps me motivated. It has been many years since I have exercised this many days in a row. Thanks! :)

Tonight, I jogged for 1:45 and walked for 3 minutes. I ultimately went 2.016 miles and burned 257 calories. It took me 45 minutes.

My husband gave me a huge pick-me-up tonight! He said that he thinks he can tell a little bit of a difference around my hip-area, like I'm getting chiseled down. That made me feel so great! I don't really know if I have lost any weight yet (I'm actually going to get weighed in on Friday, and I'm skeered!), but it felt good that he thinks he sees a change. Also, when I was jogging (which he hasn't seen me do in a while, since I try to jog during the day so I don't make it too difficult for him to hear the TV!), he said, "You know, I think you're getting stronger!"

"You think?!?" I said, excited, while jogging.

"Oh, yeah! I mean, look at you! You're not panting and you're even able to talk to me! That excites me ... kind of makes me want to take you out for a jog with Lola and see what you can do!"

"Well, that would be fun! Just ... just remember how much I have to rest."

"That's all right. We can do it. Slow and steady wins the race, right?"

I just beamed.

Posted in: admiration from husband, exercise, getting stronger, jogging, slow and steady on Tuesday, July 28, 2009 at at 9:18 PM 2 comments  

Another session down! The math is getting harder to do in my head, which is hilarious in a sad kind of way. I'm having to write down my times so that I don't cheat myself out of a round. Whatever you gotta do, right??

I jogged for 1:40, walked for 3 minutes. I went 2.001 miles, burned 256 calories, and it took me 45:00.

On top of failing to exercise, I have also let my house get into a sad state of affairs over the past few months. (I'd get home and just want to sit, not exercise or cook or clean or anything -- not even think!) Tonight my husband and I are gonna try to attack the house again. That'll burn a few more calories, and make the house feel better, too! I'm just trying to develop a whole new set of better habits. Better habits and better thinking! Better go get to it!

Posted in: exercise, improved habits, jogging, mental math, tiredness, treadmill on Monday, July 27, 2009 at at 5:50 PM 3 comments  

Well, another session down! I have now officially been jogging for an entire week; this is a huge accomplishment for me! Yay!

As for my stats: I jogged for 1:35, walked for 3 minutes. I went 2.113 miles, burned 268 calories, and it took me 48:00.

Today I haven't felt the greatest, and I was considering not jogging tonight because of it. My husband finally said after I commented to him that I really didn't want to jog that I would be glad that I did tomorrow. He was right; I was feeling good enough to do it -- I was just letting another excuse get in the way. I remembered my ole tennis days that I would play no matter how crappy I felt unless I had a fever and/or was throwing up. What happened to that stronger person that used to be me? I've gotta dig her out under this layer of fat, I think!

Well, it's getting late. Guess I need to hit the hay for the evening. Until tomorrow! :) Stay strong, all!

Posted in: exercise, jogging, perseverence, treadmill on Sunday, July 26, 2009 at at 10:50 PM 2 comments  

Okay, so I kind of weenied out today. (Is "weenied" a word? Well, you know what I mean.) After thinking about it all day today, I just thought that I couldn't jog for 1:20 without walking more inbetween. Maybe I psyched myself out; I dunno. I DO know that the extra minute of walking inbetween each round of jogging made a HUGE difference. I was prepared mentally and physically for the next jogging round, my breath was under control, and the "burnination" was better today ... though I did drink more water (thanks for the tip, Katie!).

Anywho, for my stats, I jogged for 1:20, then walked for three minutes. It took me 54 minutes totaly, and I walked 2.306 miles. I also burned 288 calories.

This is the first time since I've gotten my treadmill (back around New Year's, which was, incidentally, purely coincidental ... I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions) that I have exercised on it for 4 days in a row. I guess that in and of itself is a milestone, right? :)

Keep on going, guys, one step at a time. That's what I keep telling myself!! :D

Posted in: exercise, jogging, motivation, New Year's Resolutions, treadmill on Thursday, July 23, 2009 at at 4:51 PM 3 comments  

Okay, so this was a rough round. I am beginning to remember why I always have given up after the third day. Not this time, though! Doesn't mean I'm not scared!!

I jogged for 1:15, walked for 2 minutes. I burned 241 calories and ultimately walked 1.864 miles.

I'll say this: my breathing really wasn't having issues, but my legs were BURNING!! Like, the backs of my thighs were on fire about 20 seconds deep into every jogging session. By about the minute mark, I began to think that I just couldn't make it, but I remembered that I ran further than that yesterday, and I didn't want to have to report failure. One day I might have to report failure, but today was not gonna be that day!!

I'm just worried that with such "burnination" (love ya, Strong Bad) that I won't be able to up my ante by another 5 seconds tomorrow. Maybe I'll walk for three minutes to give me more of a break. Ergh, I feel like such a weenie. Any suggestions?

Posted in: breathing, burnination, exercise, jogging, legs burning on Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at at 4:19 PM 4 comments  

Here's to Round 2! I jogged for 1:10 (decided to push myself to go 5 seconds beyond what I thought I'd do yesterday!). All in all, it took me 43:10 to finish (hey, at least it's marginally faster than yesterday), burned 250 calories, and ultimately walked 1.942 miles.

The blog is working! Today I bought myself a dog toy to play with Lola (she is my black lab/chow mix). It's a thing that allows you to throw a ball further than you might normally throw it, which is nice but it's not the reason I got it. I mostly got it because it says that it has a "hands-free pickup," meaning I might be able to get the ball off the ground without bending over, and thus saving my poor ole back. Can't wait to try it out with Lola!

Also, I had to do a lot of errands today, and I was famished. I pulled into a local Sonic restaurant, and stared longingly at the mozzarella sticks. I almost talked myself into getting them, but then I noticed apple slices (served with fat-free caramel sauce) were listed right under them. It was so tasty, and I didn't feel guilty afterwards, which was nice. I didn't want to have to face y'all if I had eaten those mozzarella sticks! XD

Well, I've gotta get ready for VBS tonight. Thanks for all the wonderful encouragement! Keep up your hard work with your own fitness endeavors!!!

Posted in: dogs, exercise, fun exercise, jogging, temptation on Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at at 5:12 PM 2 comments  

Thank you all for your kind comments! I need this encouragement (and watchful eyes, Meg!) to keep me on track. I think I'm actually gonna do it this time, with y'all's help (and, yes, "y'all's" is a word ... at least I didn't bust out an "all y'all's" ... or maybe I just did). Keep up your hard work, and we will all encourage each other!! :D

Maggie, I'm glad to hear you've started running too! I have never been on a treadmill before until I bought this one. I'm just tempermental enough that if the weather outside is not absolutely perfect, I will talk myself out of jogging. Anything for an excuse, right? But no more excuses! The end of the mile is in sight! Can I get a hallelujah! :D

Next jogging session is this afternoon, and I'm totally pumped to do it and tell you guys about it. But before I do that, I am about to have a very stressful meeting with my boss ... hope it goes well! Until then, guys!

Posted in: encouragement, exercise, jogging, southern slang, thank you on at at 11:35 AM 0 comments