Distractions ... ?
I feel curiously optimistic about the next couple of days, even though they are going to be non-rountine:
~ I am actually "packing" (while blogging? *cough*) to go to a trip to a statewide gifted education conference. I will have to eat out and/or eat what is provided at the conference, but last year the food was very fancy ... and with tiny portions. And last year I also worked out at the conference, and I felt very proud of myself. I'd like to do that again this year. No temptation to snack. Feelin' pretty good about this.
~ Friday night Phil and I are gonna camp at our house site. There's nothing quite like waking up there. It's home. :)
~ Saturday morning we're going to see our HOUSE PLANS as drawn up by the architect based on what we want!! I am so excited, I could just about turn inside-out!!!
On the downside, I am nervous about seeing some of the people at the gifted ed. conference this year. I made a few friends last year, and I'm sure that they will notice that I weigh almost 50 pounds more than the last time they saw me. I feel shame and humiliation about that. I know that they won't say anything to my face, but I also know that they can't help but think something, perhaps say something to others. It's embarrassing. But, I keep telling myself that even though we are just a little more than acquaintances, if they are truly my friends then they won't really hold this against me. I *am* working on it.
I have also been distracted because there has been something tugging on my heartstrings ever since our cattle sale a couple of weeks ago. There was a pitiful little pony that was at the stockyards. Her mane and tail are all matted with burrs, and she is just in a pen that is full of weeds. I can't get her out of my mind. It's fairly obvious that no one wants her. I've been going over to visit her during my exercise time and giving her apples. She is very shy, but she is starting to warm up to me. She never wants me to go, even though when I'm there she acts like she doesn't really know what to do about me. I think she could be a real pet, and it's been a lifelong dream of mine to have a horse (or a pony, as the case may be). I've named her Esther, because if I get her, she'll have to endure 6 months of beauty treatments. Phil has promised to look into it, but I don't think he understands why I want to have her. It's hard for me to explain myself. I just know that, somehow, we need each other.
Here she is. What do you think? Isn't she doggone pitiful??
Posted in: distractions on Thursday, September 24, 2009 at at 8:42 AM
awwww...she's you! Maybe she's not everything the way she'd like to be on the outside...but she has a lot of really awesome stuff on the inside that is ready to shine through. She just needs someone to give her some love and petting, and to think she deserves those 6 months of beauty treatments! :)
I just caught up on the last 3 posts....why is it that I'm always late to the crisis???? Good grief!!!! I wanted to tell you that I totally "get" and understand a lot of what you said, like 99% of it. You are not alone Auburn. And you are worth fighting for...with the weight loss and the regular exercise...for your health. I know you will get there. I do not doubt it one bit. The "vomiting" is just part of the process...it really is. You are on the right path, and don't ever feel like you have to apologize for honesty.
I also wanted to tell you that I gave you the Honest Scrap award on my post tonight....these last couple of posts proves why. Keep putting it out there girl and working through it. We've both been through some rough days this week...rough life, actually...but we'll get through it....we'll make it girl. You are never alone. Remember that, ok? Now come pick up your award! :)
You and Esther DO need each other. I totally get why! She's beautiful. And if you get her I shall live vicariously through you. And will continue to want to hear all about her.:-)
Good luck with your conference. I understand where you're coming from there too. When we went to Florida in february I was about 30 or 40 pounds heavier than when everyone had seen me last. I. Was. Mortified. But, lived to tell the tale and was motivated by that to really get my act back together. We're all here for you, and I think once you get there you'll have fun!:-)