The Quest for a Mile

So, I went to the doctor today, and stepped on that scale. I wasn't expecting much (pound loss? Pound gain?). But I certainly wasn't expecting what I saw.

Six pounds.

Gained.

Oooohhhh noooooo. Why? I haven't been THAT bad! I still don't understand. My clothes don't even feel different; if anything, I think my jeans feel a little looser. WHY??

I didn't really want to get into all this now, but ...

See, I went to the doctor a month ago today because I knew things weren't right. She diagnosed me with anxiety-induced depression, and put me on medication. Today was the day to see if the meds were doing what they should. There is such shame to admitting you have been diagnosed with depression, like you can't handle things. Like you're fragile. Fact is, I try to be superwoman, and I get too much on my plate, and I beat myself up if I can't do everything perfect.

So I started running to do two things: to make me healthier and to lose weight, and to help me to overcome depression. Give me something to look forward to, to accomplish. I feel accomplished.

But six pounds? Really?? In a month??? *sigh*

I was stuck in meetings all day, and I've actually gotta wrap this up because my husband and I are going to go meet some friends tonight and play games. I need some cheering up. But that means no running today. I'm feeling pretty low, friends. Any good words?

Posted in: depression, weight gain on Friday, July 31, 2009 at at 5:32 PM 4 comments  

Woo-hoo! 1:50! Two minutes is not far away! It sounded so crazy last week to jog two minutes. Now I know I can do it! Amazing how adaptable the human body is once it is kicked in the butt, isn't it? :)

Well, I jogged for 1:50, walked for 3 minutes. I went 2.005 miles, burned 256 calories, and it took me 45:00.

If you're wondering why I didn't post yesterday, it's because I didn't jog yesterday. Yeah, I felt bad about that, too -- but I've got a good reason! The reason I didn't is because I got a mild migraine in the midafternoon and it didn't go away for the rest of the night. (I get headaches and migraines when major weather systems are about to head through my area, and we are under a tornado watch as we speak. I think I'd trade an achy knee or something rather than a headache, you know?!?) I almost tried to jog anyway, just so that my streak wasn't broken. My husband said, however, that perhaps I shouldn't do it because if I strained myself in that state, I was only asking to see my supper again. He was right. Vomiting would not make me a healthier person. :)

So, the streak is broken, but I'm back on track now, and, you know, there's gonna be some days that I'm not gonna be able to jog, but I can't fall off the wagon and get into the habit of not jogging, even when those days come by.

Plus, my husband and I spent the whole afternoon doing some hardcore cleaning. I'm talking like moving the fridge and the stove and mopping under them. It felt good, and since we worked so hard and steady for so many hours, I bet I made up those calories I missed jogging the day before, anyway.

Well, tomorrow I am gonna weigh in. I'm not expecting much; food-wise, sometimes I've been good and sometimes I've been bad since I've been jogging. (I know I need to be good ALL the time, but ... well, one goal at a time, right??) Plus, I knew when I took this up that it was gonna be a long time before I could jog long enough to truly see some change and major calories burned. But, even a pound would be nice ... ? We shall see! I'll let you know, even if it's not good. I know you guys have got my back even when things aren't well.

Well, good night, all! Stay strong!! :)

Posted in: cleaning, food habits, jogging, migraines, treadmill on Thursday, July 30, 2009 at at 8:36 PM 2 comments  

Well, I've had a couple of new readers join since the last time I posted, so let me say a big Welcome to my newbies! I love y'all's comments; it's truly what keeps me motivated. It has been many years since I have exercised this many days in a row. Thanks! :)

Tonight, I jogged for 1:45 and walked for 3 minutes. I ultimately went 2.016 miles and burned 257 calories. It took me 45 minutes.

My husband gave me a huge pick-me-up tonight! He said that he thinks he can tell a little bit of a difference around my hip-area, like I'm getting chiseled down. That made me feel so great! I don't really know if I have lost any weight yet (I'm actually going to get weighed in on Friday, and I'm skeered!), but it felt good that he thinks he sees a change. Also, when I was jogging (which he hasn't seen me do in a while, since I try to jog during the day so I don't make it too difficult for him to hear the TV!), he said, "You know, I think you're getting stronger!"

"You think?!?" I said, excited, while jogging.

"Oh, yeah! I mean, look at you! You're not panting and you're even able to talk to me! That excites me ... kind of makes me want to take you out for a jog with Lola and see what you can do!"

"Well, that would be fun! Just ... just remember how much I have to rest."

"That's all right. We can do it. Slow and steady wins the race, right?"

I just beamed.

Posted in: admiration from husband, exercise, getting stronger, jogging, slow and steady on Tuesday, July 28, 2009 at at 9:18 PM 2 comments  

Another session down! The math is getting harder to do in my head, which is hilarious in a sad kind of way. I'm having to write down my times so that I don't cheat myself out of a round. Whatever you gotta do, right??

I jogged for 1:40, walked for 3 minutes. I went 2.001 miles, burned 256 calories, and it took me 45:00.

On top of failing to exercise, I have also let my house get into a sad state of affairs over the past few months. (I'd get home and just want to sit, not exercise or cook or clean or anything -- not even think!) Tonight my husband and I are gonna try to attack the house again. That'll burn a few more calories, and make the house feel better, too! I'm just trying to develop a whole new set of better habits. Better habits and better thinking! Better go get to it!

Posted in: exercise, improved habits, jogging, mental math, tiredness, treadmill on Monday, July 27, 2009 at at 5:50 PM 3 comments  

Well, another session down! I have now officially been jogging for an entire week; this is a huge accomplishment for me! Yay!

As for my stats: I jogged for 1:35, walked for 3 minutes. I went 2.113 miles, burned 268 calories, and it took me 48:00.

Today I haven't felt the greatest, and I was considering not jogging tonight because of it. My husband finally said after I commented to him that I really didn't want to jog that I would be glad that I did tomorrow. He was right; I was feeling good enough to do it -- I was just letting another excuse get in the way. I remembered my ole tennis days that I would play no matter how crappy I felt unless I had a fever and/or was throwing up. What happened to that stronger person that used to be me? I've gotta dig her out under this layer of fat, I think!

Well, it's getting late. Guess I need to hit the hay for the evening. Until tomorrow! :) Stay strong, all!

Posted in: exercise, jogging, perseverence, treadmill on Sunday, July 26, 2009 at at 10:50 PM 2 comments  

Wow, 1:30! It's hard to believe that it was less than a week ago that I was only jogging for one minute at a time, and worried that I might not have been able to do it! I am seriously feeling very proud of myself, because I have wanted to do this for a long time, and for the first time it feels attainable. Some days are harder than others, even in this short time span, but I've only grown, and I'm feeling great. :)

Okay, my stats this go-around: I jogged for 1:30, walked for three minutes. I burned 266 calories, and ultimately walked 2.098 miles. It took me 48 minutes.

Might I also add that I did this exercise bout after taking my dog Lola for a walk and playing around with her for about an hour? Our walks are intense -- probably 45 minutes of that was walking her. She LOVES to walk. Remember how I commented a couple of posts ago about how I bought a toy that allows me to throw her a tennis ball and I don't have to bend over so far to pick it up once she brings the ball back? Well, she is a great fetcher ... until about the 4th time. Then she is bored with it and wants to go for a walk! I couldn't help but wonder why I couldn't have a dog that would let me sit in a chair with a glass of cool ice tea and just let me occasionally throw her a ball to exercise her. But ohhhhhh no, she wants me involved! I laughed and figured that was probably what I needed anyway. She's my buddy so I can't stay mad at her. :)

Well, until tomorrow, guys! I'll be inching my way closer to running for 2 minutes at a time! Hooray!!

Posted in: accomplishments, dog walking, fetching, goals on Saturday, July 25, 2009 at at 9:21 PM 1 comments  

Okay, so this post is a day late, but I haven't had internet access. I helped move my sister-in-law into her new apartment yesterday, so all day was a sweatin' kind of day. Around 9:45 when we were all done, I said, "Hey, let's go work out in the apartment complex's gym." She was all for that, so we went and exercised there.

Now let me stress to you that I was working out with my husband's sister. I have previously mentioned that my husband is the pinnacle of athletic perfection without even trying. His sister is no exception. (It occurred to me a couple of years ago that, when hanging out with my husband and his sister, I am suddenly the slow, fat kid with asthma, even though in a typical crowd I might not be stereotyped that way quite so fast!) She ran cross country in high school (even won state!) and she has kept up her slim-n-trim figure all through college. On a fat day, she is a size two (at a height of 5'7"), and this is no exaggeration. I even felt selfconscious walking next to her in her short shorts that looked perfect on her, and I was in my lightweight sweatpants that demurely hide the cottage cheese which lies beneath.

There were two treadmills in the gym; one was much more savvy than the other one. I let her pick, saying that she knows more about what she's doing than I do. She took the more technologically-advanced one. This was fine with me, even though after I started running it became painfully obvious that the belt needed tightening on my treadmill. I kept slipping on it! I couldn't really let myself go as I normally do at home (I suppose possibly for several reasons), and also my standard speed of 4 didn't feel nearly as fast as it did on my treadmill at home, so I went at a speed of 4.7 on this foreign treadmill. It was quite an adventure, let me tell you.

Anyway, it said that I burned 253 calories, but I don't know how well I trust the thing. How I missed my treadmill at home!!

At the end of the workout, she looked over at me and asked about my running pattern. I was telling her about it, and she seemed really impressed by how quickly I am picking it up. That made me feel pretty good, even if she burned more calories on the elliptical machine alone waiting for me to finish after she had already jogged her 3 miles at a 7.6 speed. Oh, well. You've gotta crawl before you can walk, right?

Well, I think I'm gonna go outside and horse around with Lola for a little bit, and then I'll come back inside and run my mile for today ... 1:30, here I come!!

Posted in: athletic perfection, belt slipping, fat kid with asthma, goals, sister-in-law, treadmill on at at 7:05 PM 1 comments  

Okay, so I kind of weenied out today. (Is "weenied" a word? Well, you know what I mean.) After thinking about it all day today, I just thought that I couldn't jog for 1:20 without walking more inbetween. Maybe I psyched myself out; I dunno. I DO know that the extra minute of walking inbetween each round of jogging made a HUGE difference. I was prepared mentally and physically for the next jogging round, my breath was under control, and the "burnination" was better today ... though I did drink more water (thanks for the tip, Katie!).

Anywho, for my stats, I jogged for 1:20, then walked for three minutes. It took me 54 minutes totaly, and I walked 2.306 miles. I also burned 288 calories.

This is the first time since I've gotten my treadmill (back around New Year's, which was, incidentally, purely coincidental ... I don't believe in New Year's Resolutions) that I have exercised on it for 4 days in a row. I guess that in and of itself is a milestone, right? :)

Keep on going, guys, one step at a time. That's what I keep telling myself!! :D

Posted in: exercise, jogging, motivation, New Year's Resolutions, treadmill on Thursday, July 23, 2009 at at 4:51 PM 3 comments  

Okay, so this was a rough round. I am beginning to remember why I always have given up after the third day. Not this time, though! Doesn't mean I'm not scared!!

I jogged for 1:15, walked for 2 minutes. I burned 241 calories and ultimately walked 1.864 miles.

I'll say this: my breathing really wasn't having issues, but my legs were BURNING!! Like, the backs of my thighs were on fire about 20 seconds deep into every jogging session. By about the minute mark, I began to think that I just couldn't make it, but I remembered that I ran further than that yesterday, and I didn't want to have to report failure. One day I might have to report failure, but today was not gonna be that day!!

I'm just worried that with such "burnination" (love ya, Strong Bad) that I won't be able to up my ante by another 5 seconds tomorrow. Maybe I'll walk for three minutes to give me more of a break. Ergh, I feel like such a weenie. Any suggestions?

Posted in: breathing, burnination, exercise, jogging, legs burning on Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at at 4:19 PM 4 comments  

(This is a version of a note that I had posted on facebook a while back; I feel like it's appropriate here!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To Fat:
(because we both know that you are certainly not "Dear Fat")

Okay, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but your days are numbered, Fat. This is an official Declaration of War because I have brought in reinforcements -- because, for some reason, the War against Fat is not official until the person in question begins actually *winning*, and I can no longer fight you alone. I am tired of you making my body impersonate a bloated manatee.

It has already been a long struggle, Fat. Even if we don't get along, we have been through a lot together. I have been trying to get rid of you since before I got married, so the battle is a little over four years old. I have been dieting and exercizing. I briefly succeeded a while back, but old habits and fears set in and still, you remained close by my side (hahaha). You have made me feel such shame and worthlessness.

I am so sick of the feelings that you make me feel, Fat. I am tired of avoiding mirrors. I am tired of sometimes not even wanting to get out of bed for shame of my body. I remember with incredible self-loathing the first time I realized that I needed to go to the plus-sized department to find pants that fit, and crying in the dressing room when I realized that the jeans from said department *did* fit. I realized with disappointment that I ACTUALLY feel that I am not pretty anymore, that the pretty girl I once was is buried under a thick layer of tumorous growth. I remember with pain how I have caught my students making fun of my jiggly arms while I was writing on the board, and read graffiti on a desk in my room that said "She has a huge double chin."

I am tired of being in photos and looking like I could EAT everyone else in the shot.

I hate that I hate being introduced as Phil's wife, because to be honest I don't feel worthy. I just want to disappear and not want to talk to anyone anymore. I want so badly to be a proud newlywed, and I have yet to have that feeling.

I am so tired of crying.

But it will not be for much longer, Fat. The Quest for the Mile is at hand! The blog is entact! Yes, Fat -- REINFORCEMENTS! You can't abuse me alone anymore!! Enjoy 'hanging out' while you can, but it won't be for long!!I am ready to get back my self-esteem, self-worth, and whole psyche. You have hid them from me for too long.

Yours Regretfully,

General Jogging Auburn

(P.S. Normally I would wish you a slow and painful death, but considering that I want you to leave as quickly as possible, I am sure you understand that I must keep that desire in spirit only.)

Posted in: on at at 2:50 PM 0 comments  

Here's to Round 2! I jogged for 1:10 (decided to push myself to go 5 seconds beyond what I thought I'd do yesterday!). All in all, it took me 43:10 to finish (hey, at least it's marginally faster than yesterday), burned 250 calories, and ultimately walked 1.942 miles.

The blog is working! Today I bought myself a dog toy to play with Lola (she is my black lab/chow mix). It's a thing that allows you to throw a ball further than you might normally throw it, which is nice but it's not the reason I got it. I mostly got it because it says that it has a "hands-free pickup," meaning I might be able to get the ball off the ground without bending over, and thus saving my poor ole back. Can't wait to try it out with Lola!

Also, I had to do a lot of errands today, and I was famished. I pulled into a local Sonic restaurant, and stared longingly at the mozzarella sticks. I almost talked myself into getting them, but then I noticed apple slices (served with fat-free caramel sauce) were listed right under them. It was so tasty, and I didn't feel guilty afterwards, which was nice. I didn't want to have to face y'all if I had eaten those mozzarella sticks! XD

Well, I've gotta get ready for VBS tonight. Thanks for all the wonderful encouragement! Keep up your hard work with your own fitness endeavors!!!

Posted in: dogs, exercise, fun exercise, jogging, temptation on Tuesday, July 21, 2009 at at 5:12 PM 2 comments  

Thank you all for your kind comments! I need this encouragement (and watchful eyes, Meg!) to keep me on track. I think I'm actually gonna do it this time, with y'all's help (and, yes, "y'all's" is a word ... at least I didn't bust out an "all y'all's" ... or maybe I just did). Keep up your hard work, and we will all encourage each other!! :D

Maggie, I'm glad to hear you've started running too! I have never been on a treadmill before until I bought this one. I'm just tempermental enough that if the weather outside is not absolutely perfect, I will talk myself out of jogging. Anything for an excuse, right? But no more excuses! The end of the mile is in sight! Can I get a hallelujah! :D

Next jogging session is this afternoon, and I'm totally pumped to do it and tell you guys about it. But before I do that, I am about to have a very stressful meeting with my boss ... hope it goes well! Until then, guys!

Posted in: encouragement, exercise, jogging, southern slang, thank you on at at 11:35 AM 0 comments  

Whew! So I just jogged for my first session. I jogged for one minute and walked for two minutes. It took me a grand total of 47 minutes (boo on that!). I burned 262 calories, and ultimately walked 2.065 miles.

It was rough, but it was do-able. I was feelin' pretty good until about the 5th round, then it started getting a little harder to breathe. Sure was happy to get to that last round!!

I thought it was ironic that on the 6th round, a commercial came on TV that was for helping people out with credit card debt. That in and of itself is not ironic, but the pitch for the commercial was. A very serious man in a suit was standing on a treadmill, and he said, "Does it feel like you are stuck on a treadmill?" Panting and sweating and jogging, I was like, "Well, good job, Detective Obvious!" He went through his spill, and at the end of the commercial they zoomed in on his face and he pointed out directly at me, serious as a hellfire and brimstone minister, and said, "Why wait any longer? Get OFF the treadmill!"

And I was like, "Et tu, TV?" That was just mean.

But anyway, I'm so happy to be done until tomorrow!! (Isn't that truly the best part of exercise?? Fo sho!) Until then...!

Posted in: goals, jogging, running, TV betrays on Monday, July 20, 2009 at at 3:37 PM 3 comments  

All right, let me say first and foremost that I created this blog to give me a sense of accountability, so even if you are just a casual reader checking out this site, please leave me a comment just so that I know that there are people watching and that I can't slack up this time. Thank you.

Okay, now to introduce myself. I'm Jogging Auburn ... or, at least, I will be. I am a 25-year-old artist-turned-special education teacher. I have a wonderful husband who is the pinnacle of athletic perfection without even trying, haha. And as for me ... well, I have a whole bunch of excellent excuses:

1) I'm often exhausted from my job. Waking up at 4:45 or 5:00 every school day to get to class by 6:45 is pretty tiring. When I get home, I just want to sit, not exercise.
2) When I was about 19 or 20, I developed exercised-induced asthma just out of the clear blue sky, so it's hard for me to breathe if I push myself too hard.
3) When I was on the tennis team in college, I tore the muscles in my back while doing Olympic-style weightlifting, so I'm limited with exercising because my back can lock up.
4) I've got so far to go, it's kind of overwhelming. Since my good ole college tennis days, I have managed to put on about 80 pounds. I am not proud of this, and it's kind of like I woke up one day and was like, "Well, gee, I can't wear any of my clothes anymore. How did that happen??" Once you realize that you're fat, there is a shame element to working out. You know what I mean?

However, despite all these excuses, I have come to realize that excuses are truly what they are. I can spin excuses all day long, but that doesn't mean that they are going to go away (well, except for possibly number 4). This is the hand I have been dealt, and there are people out there who have even more. The truth is, I want to be fit for myself. I want to be proud of myself and look at myself in the mirror and smile at what's there instead of judging what I see ... or worse, IGNORING what I see. I want to get in shape so that when I am ready to have kids in a couple of years, I can be that fun mom who runs around and plays with them, instead of panting on the side, waving my hand, and saying, "You kids run on and let Mommy rest a minute."

So I got a treadmill.

And I'm scared to death to use it.

I mean, a mile is scary when you're reeeeally out of shape. It almost seems insurmountable. I mean, have you ever tried exercising for something, and you try on the so-called "Beginner" level, and it totally wears you out to the point that you are sweating like a stuck hog and feel like a bloated manatee, and the next day comes and you're like, "Man, that was hard! I think I'll just sit down and watch me some Dr. Phil instead." You might laugh, but it's only because you know it's true! And I also really hate the exercise videos that claim to be easy to follow, so you pop it in all ready to go, and there is a perky, slender woman who says she's gonna get you into shape, and as soon as the music starts, she begins doing a ton of complicated moves without warning, spasing out all over the screen in an upbeat whirlwind of aerobics, and I might try to flail around with her for a few minutes, but I find that I mostly end up staring at the screen in a trance, trying to figure out how she is even getting her body to DO those moves, much less copy them for myself.

Anyway, I've got a plan to get myself to run a mile. See what you think. I have attempted to begin this routine before, but after about three days I stop because I know no one cares but me, and Dr. Phil calleth. I know I can jog on a speed setting of 4, and mathematically, if I jog on that speed, it will take 15 minutes to jog a mile. No way can I jog for 15 minutes (at least now, anyway), so I'm gonna build up my tolerance. I plan to begin by jogging for 1 minute and then walking for two minutes, until I jog my whole 15 minutes. Next day I can jog for 1 minute, 5 seconds, and walk for two minutes. We'll see how that goes. As I said before, there is a shame element to exercising when you're in the hole as much as I am (even now I'm sitting here thinking, "Dang, you can ONLY jog for one minute?!" and another part of me says, "At least, I HOPE I can jog for one minute!" It's the Couch Potato Remorse talking.)

So, here is to new beginnings, and pursuing that Quest for One Mile. Who's with me?? I think I might even try to do my first session this afternoon ... oh geez!! What have I gotten myself into?!?

Posted in: exercise, jogging on at at 11:24 AM 1 comments