The War Against Fat
(This is a version of a note that I had posted on facebook a while back; I feel like it's appropriate here!)
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To Fat:
(because we both know that you are certainly not "Dear Fat")
Okay, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but your days are numbered, Fat. This is an official Declaration of War because I have brought in reinforcements -- because, for some reason, the War against Fat is not official until the person in question begins actually *winning*, and I can no longer fight you alone. I am tired of you making my body impersonate a bloated manatee.
It has already been a long struggle, Fat. Even if we don't get along, we have been through a lot together. I have been trying to get rid of you since before I got married, so the battle is a little over four years old. I have been dieting and exercizing. I briefly succeeded a while back, but old habits and fears set in and still, you remained close by my side (hahaha). You have made me feel such shame and worthlessness.
I am so sick of the feelings that you make me feel, Fat. I am tired of avoiding mirrors. I am tired of sometimes not even wanting to get out of bed for shame of my body. I remember with incredible self-loathing the first time I realized that I needed to go to the plus-sized department to find pants that fit, and crying in the dressing room when I realized that the jeans from said department *did* fit. I realized with disappointment that I ACTUALLY feel that I am not pretty anymore, that the pretty girl I once was is buried under a thick layer of tumorous growth. I remember with pain how I have caught my students making fun of my jiggly arms while I was writing on the board, and read graffiti on a desk in my room that said "She has a huge double chin."
I am tired of being in photos and looking like I could EAT everyone else in the shot.
I hate that I hate being introduced as Phil's wife, because to be honest I don't feel worthy. I just want to disappear and not want to talk to anyone anymore. I want so badly to be a proud newlywed, and I have yet to have that feeling.
I am so tired of crying.
But it will not be for much longer, Fat. The Quest for the Mile is at hand! The blog is entact! Yes, Fat -- REINFORCEMENTS! You can't abuse me alone anymore!! Enjoy 'hanging out' while you can, but it won't be for long!!I am ready to get back my self-esteem, self-worth, and whole psyche. You have hid them from me for too long.
Yours Regretfully,
General Jogging Auburn
(P.S. Normally I would wish you a slow and painful death, but considering that I want you to leave as quickly as possible, I am sure you understand that I must keep that desire in spirit only.)
Posted in: on Wednesday, July 22, 2009 at at 2:50 PM
